Once Upon A Time Fairy Tales for FF Lovers
by Ryuujio
Summary: Several of your classic fairy tales with a twist of Final Fantasy and mayhem! WARNING: Contains Yaoi, Language, Scenes of Awkwardness, Crossdressing, and More!
1. Tidus In Wonderland Part 1

**Once Upon a Time: Dissidia Fairy Tales**

_Original Character Concepts by Square-Enix_

_Story Ideas Inspired by himichu of DeviantArt's Dissdialand comics_

Notes:: Whoo, I finally got a new idea out of my head. X.x Took awhile too. But yeah, this is the starting story for a wide ranged mini-story series~ Whoo! In Once Upon a Time, these stories are parodies of fairy tales and other stories just for the amusement of seeing the chaos going on. Of course, some parts will often change to fit the characters in Final Fantasy and Dissidia, but either way, it will at least that a rough outline of the classic fairy tales and stories. Now enough of me rambling. Enjoy~

* * *

**Tidus in Wonderland**

_Based on __**Alice in Wonderland **__by Lewis Caroll_

_Chapter 1  
_

_"Why does it feel like I just got hit by a blitzball?" _

Tidus rubbed his aching head and mumbled to himself a bit. At least those loud and annoying fan shut up. First, he was being mobbed by a group of fan girls wanting to get his autograph. Then, he got hit by something so hard that it knocked him over the railing and into the ocean. He thought he was drowning at first. But when he kept sinking into the water rather than floating back up, that's when he realized that there was an odd door when he finally hit the ocean's floor. Of course, since Tidus was your very curious teenager, he opened it up and stumbled out of there, now being able to breathe by doing do.

"Where am I?!"

As expected, there was no reply to him. Tidus got up from the ground and dusted himself off oddly enough. He scratched the back of his head and examined the area. Nothing more than a bunch of passageways and a sign with several different directions on it. At the top of the pole sign, it read "You Are Here." Where was here? Tidus didn't know, and he didn't care. He wanted to get back to Zanarkand as soon as possible. His team was versing the Al Bhed Psyches, and he was going to kick their-

"Oh dear! Oh dear! I'm late!"

Tidus's focus on the game he was suppose to participate in quickly was directed to a small squeaky voice coming from nearby. The blonde blinked a few times and watched curiously as the little creature waddled by him as he looked at the sign. It was a talking moogle! How cool was that?! Tidus's mind practically screamed from surprise and victory. He told Wakka that moogles could talk, and here they did! Wherever here was.

"I'm late! I'm late!" the moogle shouted, practically plowing down anything that got in it's way. It was a very angry moogle it seemed.

"Hey! Mr. Moogle! Do you think you can help me-"

"No time to talk to you! I'm extremely late and the king will have my head if I don't get there in time!!"

King? Like the medieval kind of king? Tidus was going to ask the moogle, but seeing that it was already out of view, he held onto the question and sprinted after the cranky moogle. "Hey! Mr. Moogle! Come back." Tidus finally stopped when the corridor ended in a very spacious room. Probably because it didn't have any furniture besides a glass table in the center of the room. Tidus wandered over to the table and looked at it curiously. There seemed to be a little glass bottle set on top of it. There was also a sword leaned up against it. And since Tidus was the one to touch every object that looked interesting to him, he immediately grabbed the sword and looked at it in awe.

"You seem to be the adventurous one, huh?"

Tidus shrieked when he realized that he wasn't the only one there. At least, it sounded like it. When he turned around, there wasn't anyone there. He shrugged it off and continued to look at the sword.

"Don't ignore me when I'm talking to you, damn it!"

Tidus flinched in surprise and ended up dropping the sword. He looked around again, but as expected, there was still no one.

"Down here..."

And so Tidus looked down, seeing a small little man about the size of a can of Choco-Cola standing by his foot. Being careful not to crush the little man below him. The blond knelt down and looked at the little man curiously. "Old man? What are you doing here?!"

"Tch, I'm not your old man here," the man scoffed. His black hair was messy as ever, and the fact that he had a massive claymore like weapon still intimated Tidus even if his old man was about 4 inches tall. "I'm the Guardian of the Doorway, and I ain't lettin' anyone get by without a good reason, ya here? Now drink that potion up there so I can kick your ass!"

Tidus frowned at the miniature version of his dad and shook his head. "You're so tiny though! What good will a potion do to decrease my strength?"

"Well why don't you drink it and find out!"

The blond rolled his eyes and picked up the sword that he had dropped. Now that Tidus thought about it, it looked sort of like his own sword from back home. Only more bubbly... But now was not the time to think about that. Tidus grabbed the small potion sitting on top of the table and drank it. He had doubts about it, but hopefully his dad would have a certain reason to why he needed to drink it. You know, besides the fact that he wants to kick his son's butt...

Suddenly, Tidus felt a jerky feeling in his chest. His head felt even worse that it was before and it felt like he was being compressed by a ton of bricks. Of course, that compressed feeling soon was over when Tidus made sudden impact to the floor below him. He groaned a bit and rubbed his head. Why was he in so much pain lately? Tidus looked up to see what happened, only to see Jecht standing over him, cracking his knuckles. Tidus's face turned pale.

"You aren't so big now, huh?"

"Oh my Cosmos, don't kill me! I didn't even want to be here, I swear! I just want to get the heck out of here!"

Jecht stopped cracking his knuckled and looked at Tidus for a moment. He grinned a bit and pulled Tidus up by his son's shirt hood. "Out of here, huh? Have fun with that, kid. You're gonna be in for one heck of an adventure." Jecht patted his son on the shoulder before walking off. His massive claymore was rested on his shoulder as he walked off. "Oh yeah, kid."

Tidus blinked a few times as he looked at Jecht, but his reflexes acted when a silver object was thrown to him. He glanced down to see what Jecht had thrown to him. It was a key...

"That'll get you past some of the more bitchy doors," Jecht stated, "G'luck. Oh yeah, if you run into trouble, just tell them that Jecht sent ya."

Tidus nodded and watched his father walk away. What did he mean by trouble anyways?

"Ugh, where the heck am I now?!" Tidus crossed his arms over each other. He had ended up in the middle of a forest for some peculiar reason after walking around aimlessly. The only thing he knew was that he was here. It said so on a sign nearby. But being 'here' wasn't that descriptive, and not knowing where he was was driving Tidus near the Edge of Madness. "For cryin' out loud, someone tell me where I am!!"

"You could be here, you could be there, but if you think about it, you could be anywhere, little fishy~"

_Fishy? Where? _Tidus looked around a bit, but stopped. A frown appeared on his face. _Oh, right. I'm the fishy I guess... _The blond haired wanderer looked up to the trees to where this strange voice was speaking from. Of course, he couldn't look for too long. The man laying down in the three nearby wasn't really wearing anything except for a jacket and what appeared to be his underwear. It was a bit odd for a guy to be exposing that much of his legs after all.

The man smirked a bit when he noticed Tidus look away. "Aw, the little fish is embarrassed? No need to hide really~"

"Ugh, yeah there is a need. Maybe if you had some pants on..."

The slate-haired man cackled a bit and looked down upon Tidus, who just so happened to be looking for somewhere to run off to and get away from this man. "Simpletons like you amuse me~ When you're faced with an awkward situation, you try to ignore it. It never does work, now does it?" The man jumped down from the tree he was perched on and landed gracefully behind Tidus. The blond began to freak out a bit and back up from the man, who just so happened to be about half a foot shorter than Tidus. Of course, with this man's now obvious size, Tidus became less intimidated. "Oh? Why so scared, little fish? Afraid the cat's going to eat you?"

"You? A cat? That's insane. You don't even look like one," Tidus pointed out.

The man smirked maliciously and placed a slender finger of his over his lips as though he was telling Tidus to keep a secret. "Curiosity just so happened to kill that blasted cat. Let's just say I'm the alternate in this performance~"

Tidus's face looked surprised, worried, and slightly scared all at the same time when this man mentioned this. This man was defiantly more terrifying than he appeared. "Uh... Okay. Well, I'm not curious or anything, but how do I get back to Zanarkand?"

"Zanarkand? I've never heard of such a place."

Tidus's frowned a bit. This guy was defiantly hiding something from him and he was going to get the answers out of him somehow. So the blond teen got his sword ready to deal with this troublesome excuse for a man. As a reaction, the man did nothing more than cackle and comment on Tidus's so-called threatening move.

"You? A little fish trying to take on me, Kuja? Do you even know who you're actually dealing with?"

Tidus shook his head, not being intimidated by this man's bluffs. "I don't care. As long as I get back to Zanarkand before the match against the Al Bhed, I don't care if I tear down this entire forest!"

"My, such confidence you have~" Kuja purred and folded his arms over each other, looking at Tidus with those malevolent eyes of his. "Well, I'll be sure to crush it for you!"

* * *

Tidus had that feeling that everyone was against him these days. He always seemed to be trapped in trouble's grasps with no way of escaping the spiraling vortex known as trouble. Maybe that was probably because not many people hung around him or enjoyed his company. His dad didn't, this overly-feminine Kuja didn't, and certainly not that little moogle he was following. But having this feeling wasn't unusual. After all, he meets new people everyday it seems. Different things going on everyday and a new face would be out to get him. But that's what made every day and adventure.

In this case, Tidus's new adventure was the fact that he just got captured by this pretty boy, Kuja, and was being taken away to some place which he did not know yet again. Of course, he never could do much about it. He just had to go with the flow and take on whatever comes his way.

But for love of Cosmos, was it really necessary to make him have to dress up like this? It was embarrassing for any of guy kind to even be caught in a dress. Especially a dress with frilly blue ruffles, an apron, and the matching ribbon as well. Damn that Kuja for dressing him up like this... He didn't know why he was wearing a dress, but Kuja did mention something about meeting the 'lovely' King of Hearts. What an intimidating title after all. ...Not.

"Are you serious? Do I really have to wear this? I liked my other clothes better."

"Silence, Simpleton!"

Kuja tugged on the chains around Tidus's hands and neck viciously as he lead Tidus along through a magnificent garden full of roses and other various plants. However, the sight of a few servant painting over the flowers just sort of ruined the lovely garden in Tidus's eyes. They were red roses for a reason, not black ones...

Just where exactly _was_ he being dragged off too?


	2. Tidus In Wonderland Part 2

**Once Upon a Time: Dissidia Fairy Tales**

Original Character Concepts by Square-Enix

Story Ideas Inspired by himichu of DeviantArt's Dissdialand comics

* * *

**Tidus in Wonderland**

_Based on __**Alice in Wonderland **__by Lewis Caroll_

_Chapter 2_

With the bright sun shining overhead and the sound of Kuja's yapping for another five minutes or so, Tidus was just about to strangle that crazy 'cat' and throw him so hard into the sun that the glowing orb would shatter into bits. His nerves were being snapped one at a time. He could swear this was a test. He really did think this was all just a test Jecht put him through in order to get back him. Yeah, it's probably just a joke! Or a dream! And when Tidus wakes up, he'll be surrounded by several of his adoring fans after he defeated the Al Bed Psyches in the best blitzball match ever... Which he is missing! For crying out loud, wake up!

"Your highness~ I brought the prisoner you ask for~!"

"Prisoner?!" Tidus gawked, "You've got to be kidding me. This is nowhere being a prisoner. It's just plain humiliation!"

"Silence, you incompetent simpleton!" Kuja snapped.

"Quit calling me a simpletons!"

"Kuja, silence him at once."

"As you wish, sir Emperor~" With a snap of his fingers, a few magical rings wrapped around Tidus in a very odd and uncomfortable manner.

"Hey! That the heck is-" As soon as he started to speak, the rings began to flicker and shock Tidus. He staggered a bit and fell over. "Ouch..." The young blond shook his head and looked up to see what just happened. Where was he exactly? He looked up at Kuja, before quickly looking away at yet from an odd sight. But when a new set of eyes were looking at Tidus, it gave him a very insecure feeling. The man before him had a rather elegant poise. His glowing green eyes were looking at Tidus blankly, yet with just enough curiosity to show he actually could show emotion. Not a lot, but at least it was some.

"Kuja, who have you brought this time?"

"A little fish who just so happen to get caught by the cat~"

Kuja smiled with pride. He looked at Tidus, who rolled around in pain, before looking back at the man in the throne. The emperor of Hearts's long blonde hair draped over the throne he sat upon, his clothes were flashy enough to blend into the world's crazy lifestyle, yet he looked at the two with such dullness. Even if this world was a crazy one indeed, this 'emperor' seemed to be all gloom and doom...

The man shook his head as he stood up. Kuja bowed down to his king as he stepped downwards. His majesty pulled Tidus to his feet and glared at him with his glowing golden eyes. Tidus looked back a bit, chuckling nervously. But he twisted his lips in a questioning manner before suddenly coming to a realization. "Hey! I remember you! Firion always talks about you! How you're a total pain in the-ah, wait a sec..."

"How dare you address the Emperor that way!"

"Enough, Kuja." The Emperor of Hearts, Mateus shook his head and practically threw Tidus at Kuja before proceeding past the two buffoons. "I'm not amused in your work, Kuja. You're nothing but an annoying cat..."

Kuja's smile turned into a very frustrated frown as he looked at the Emperor. "But sir, you told me to bring a blonde one here. I followed you direct instructions didn't I?!"

"But you failed to bring in the actual target," he glared, his golden eyes seemed to be boring holes into Kuja's pale skin. "You disappoint me since you can't even figure that out." The Emperor let a sigh escape from his lips. With his staff in his hand, he sat back down in his high throne, looking down upon the 'cat' and the 'fishy.' "Take that little fish and lock him up. This fish will be our bait for the shark to come."

----

"I can't believe it! _I _of all people found the wrong person for his majesty? That's simply absurd!" Kuja gawked over his failure and his embarrassment in front of the king. He sat in a large tree in such an elegant manner even if he was on the verge of breaking down from how big of a failure he considered himself to be at the moment. He couldn't understand why the king was looking for one particular person in the first place. That young boy he brought fit all of the emperor's details and Kuja followed his instructions very thoroughly. What did he do to disappoint the Emperor?!

"Hey! Can you let me out of here? It's a bit cramped..."

"Silence, you pitiful fish!" Kuja snapped. He glared at Tidus violently. The poor little blonde was sitting in a small cage hanging on one of large branches of the large tree Kuja rested in, waiting for this so called 'shark' to come along and take the bait. At this rate though, the bait will be long dead before the shark even arrives. "You're probably one of the most incompetent simpletons I've even had the duty of encountering! If you keep complaining, I'll rip your throat out!"

Tidus frowned and sat down in his cage. It swayed back and forth lightly from how jittery Tidus was. Cramped spaces weren't really enjoyable at the moment. But at least he wasn't alone. Two other people were in other cages nearby. One a bit higher up in the tree and one that got grounded supposedly. Two other people were in the cages as well. Both were guys, but it seemed both were also in dresses like Tidus. At least it wasn't as awkward.

"You okay down there?" Tidus called, looking at the person in the cage below. The man looked up at Tidus. His spiky blonde hair had several ribbons in it and his dress was a bit more ragged. Maybe because he was here the longest? Maybe because he hated the dress so much? It was all a mystery. But since this guy looked like one of those people who could kill you with one look, Tidus decided not to ask.

"Yeah," the man replied quietly, "I still can't believe I'm in a dress. It's all too familiar."

"At least people can distinguish you as a guy. I look like a girl now!" the other man objected. He was dressed in a purple dress and several beads were hanging in his white hair. He seemed to have hints of purple make up on his face too, which was peculiar to see. Kuja probably was having way too much fun dressing up this guy.

"Well, your dress isn't as frilly as mine," Tidus pointed out. "Frills aren't my thing. Oh Cosmos, how do I even know that it isn't?!"

"Aw, I'm sorry, Tidus." The white haired man chuckled. "You seemed to have it the hardest, huh?"

"No," the spiky haired man interrupted. "He doesn't have it as hard compared to me. Damn Sephiroth getting me trapped here..."

"Cloud, you're always so mopey."

"You'd be too if you were thrown in here by your worst enemy and had to deal with _that_ sitting up there." Cloud pointed at the gawking Kuja, who seemed to pay no mind to the trio below him.

"That's how you got stuck here? Wow, that sucks. I was knocked over into the ocean by a bunch of fans of mine," Tidus reflected, "I thought I was going to drown... Until I was actually able to breathe oddly enough... Dude! What is this place anyways?! Am I supposed to be dead? Oh my Cosmos! Don't tell me this is Hell! I didn't do anything wrong!"

The white haired man chuckled and shook his head. "They called this place Wonderland. My nii-san, Golbez, told me about it in every time before I went to bed when I was younger. Never thought I would actually arrive here~"

"Oh, by the way, Cecil?" Cloud questioned, "How did you arrive here anyways?"

Cecil let out a small sigh. He gripped onto the bars of the cage and looked out over the castle gardens. His eyes softened because of how lovely it looked. "I went to bed one night after nii-san told me the story again. But then I woke up here when I wanted to get a midnight snack..."

Tidus and Cloud looked at each other for a moment. Cecil was here on a dream, Tidus was hear by death (which Tidus really hoped wasn't true), and Cloud was dragged here against his will. Man, how weird is that?

"Tidus!"

The trio seemed alarmed at the sound of a new voice approaching. The sight before them was one to make anyone pleased. Of course, one would have to be pleased. After all, who would want to be trapped in a cage like this forever? Anyone besides one of those crazy card minions, Kuja, or the Emperor would make a person happy in this crazy world.

"Firion!" Tidus shouted, "What the heck are you doing here? Did you die too?!"

Firion raised an eyebrow at Tidus curiously before taking a look at Cloud and Cecil. Why on Earth were they wearing dresses and ribbons? But then again, Firion couldn't complain. That man he encountered earlier did tell him to dress for the 'occasion.' Whatever that may be. His natural gray hair was styled in a messy manner and his attire was peculiarly formal. A pair of dress pants that seemed to make Tidus wonder if he could even run in them and a very nice looking coat to go with it. You know, those coats you'd see in fairy tales... Oh the irony to that.

"You!" Kuja looked down at Firion with an excited smirk on his face. "I've been looking for you~" Firion glared at Kuja, who sat there in that usual elegant poise of his. He jumped down for the branch he sat on and landed in front of Firion. That narcissistic smirk never disappeared from his face as he continued to look over Firion. Firion got himself ready, his many weapons were attached to his belt, his shoulder, or anywhere that was able to hold a weapon. He was well ready to take on anyone who got into his way. Kuja couldn't help but chuckle at this. "Not bad at all~"

"Let them go," Firion growled. His face full of anger at what Kuja had done.

"Sorry, but you have to surrender first. After all, the Emperor wants to see you~"

His eyes widened when Kuja mentioned the Emperor was involved. But it simply turned back into a fierce, determined look. "Not a chance. Let them go!"

"Don't fight him, Firion!" Cecil shouted from up above.

"He fights dirty!" Tidus added on.

Cloud nodded in agreement. "_Really_ dirty..."

Kuja cackled a bit. "You should listen to your friends. I will capture you for the Emperor!"

Firion growled a bit and looked at Tidus, Cecil, and Cloud. He wanted to save them, but if Kuja was really that much of a cheap fighter, then it would be risky to take him on. It was a gamble that Firion was hoping to take. "I won't be captured so easily!"

"Oh~ All bark and no bite? Hm, how pitiful. But you know what they say, a weak dog's bark is worse that it's bite~"

Firion smirked and got his weapons ready for combat. "Be careful. I have more bite than you think!"


	3. Kefkastilskin Part 1

**Once Upon a Time: Dissidia Fairy Tales**

Original Character Concepts by Square-Enix  
Inspired by_ Dissidialand _by himichu of Deviantart

**Kefkastilskin**

_Based on Rumpelstiltskin by The Brothers Grimm_

_ Once upon a time, _in a far off land known as The Rift, there lived an old lower class miller. He was extremely poor and his mill would soon be torn down by the king's men in order to make room for more royal land. It seemed utterly hopeless for the miller to do anything to save their farm and mill. He had no money to bribe the knights who work for the king. He had no special talents to keep work. He was also getting to become at an old age where he couldn't resume working for all that long.

But one thing he did have was a beautiful daughter would didn't serve to have a horrible life as a miller's daughter, Terra. So when the old miller was summoned forth to the king, he risked his and his daughter's life if the king saw through the little lie. But it was worth trying to help make his daughter have somewhat more of a better life and a home.

"I have a daughter named Terra who can coal into materia!" The miller explained when he approached the king.

King Cloud of The Rift looked at the miller curiously when he mentioned this. It wasn't a common sight for people to do that. In fact, it seemed almost impossible. But seeing how determined and serious the miller looked, the king thought about it. The wealth it would bring to turn coal into materia. How rich he would be~ Thinking about this made King Cloud smirk a bit.

"That's a rather interesting talent," King Cloud mused. He scratched his spiky blond head. "That's really cool actually. Alright, let's see if your daughter, Terra, is able to change coal into materia. Bring her back to my palace tomorrow. I'll put her to the test. If she is not able to, your head is mind, miller."

The miller gulped down his fear and nodded. With a low bow, he quickly exited the King's castle.

The next day came around faster than Terra had expected. In the early morning, she was woken by her father and a group of King Cloud's guards. They told her specifically to pack only one bag for she will not return until she completes all of the king's tasks. Reluctantly, Terra listened and did what she was told. The only things she brought with her was another set of clothing and the stuffed moogle her father had made for her. With that, she said her good-byes to her father and went forth to the palace where King Cloud resided.

As soon as she got to the palace, she was greeted by the king and was lead to a room. Piles upon piles of coal were placed all over the room. The only things that weren't coal was a small desk full of polishing materials for stones and a bed where Terra was apparently supposed to sleep upon.

"You have to turn all of this coal into materia for me," Cloud instructed to Terra, "I will give you until tomorrow. But if you don't get all of this done by tonight, then your head will be mine. Now get to work."

Terra looked to the ground and nodded. The door slammed shut and King Cloud locked it behind him. Terra looked at all of the coal and the polishing materials on the desk. She sat on the edge of her bed hugging the stuffed moogle as tears came streaming down her face. She didn't know what was going on exactly, and she didn't know how to turn coal into materia. It seemed hopeless for Terra now. She couldn't get all of this coal finished in time. It was an impossible task for anyone to do!

That is, until that man came along. His face painted white with red designs around his eyes and purple lip stick if that was the appropriate term. His attire was rather flamboyant. As though he was dressed up as a clown. His costume had several different patterns on it causing him to stand out in the dark room Terra sat in.

"Why hello there~" the man greeted. His voice was like nails scratching down a chalkboard in one of the school houses in the country. "Why the long face?"

Terra let out a small sigh as she looked towards the piles of coal near her. "The king wants me to turn coal into materia. I don't know how to do that. But if I don't do it, I'll be put to death!" She hugged her stuffed moogle nervously before looking at her feet. "What do I do?"

The man sprang over towards the large heaps of coal and laughed. A laugh that seemed both terrifying and joyous at the same time. "I can do it for you~ In fact, it's easy as ripping out someone's throat!" Terra shrunk back a bit when that man laughed at his own dark joke. "But it all depends though. What do I get in return?"

"Pardon?"

The man folded his arms and skipped around the room merrily. "You know, the payment, the cash, the moola, and all that other pizazz. What are you going to give me in return for turning coal into materia~?"

Terra thought about it for a moment. She didn't have anything of importance, did she? She looked around in her small bag and pulled off a long tan cloak she had sewn herself. It was used to keep her warm, but she rarely used it anymore. She held out the cloak to the man. "Will this work?"

The man looked at the cloak for a brief moment. An unamused frown displayed on that white face of his. "What? Is that all you got?" Terra nodded in response. So the man shrugged and accepted the cloak. "Now it's time to get busy~!"

With that, the man grabbed the coal and began to polish rapidly until one by one, the coal turned into pure materia. Terra observed in awe to see if she could learn from the man. However, it seemed like he was doing it by magic! He continued to work while humming a random tune as well.

_"Turning coal into materia,_

_ Blue, green, white, and red._

_ Quickly make them, faster now,_

_ Otherwise it's off with her head."_

Kefka paused for a brief moment before bursting out into a fit of laughter. "What the hell kind of song is that?!"


	4. Tidus In Wonderland Part 3

_**Once Upon a Time: Dissidia Fairy Tales**_

_Original Character Concepts by Square-Enix_

_**Author's Notes::**_  
Hey guys! here's the final installment of Tidus in Wonderland for you all! Lots of action in this part, so I hope you enjoy it~  
But I want to bring this to your attetion really quick: I'm in need of someone to proofread and help me with my stories! Whenever I try to proofread, there's always so many things wrong it with. And by help, I mean someone to help me boost my motivation to write to where I can actually get my deadlines done! So I'm hopefully asking one of you, my fabulous readers, to help me out. But anywho, thanks for listening~! I hope you enjoy this part~

* * *

**Tidus in Wonderland**

_Based on __Alice in Wonderland __by Lewis Caroll_

"You know, heroes are supposed to actually _save _the person he wants to rescue. Not get captured with them..."

"Shut up, Tidus. I didn't know he fought _that _dirty."

"We did warn you..."

Firion looked up at Tidus and the others from his cage, a frown across his face as Tidus looked at him in disappointment. Firion was lucky enough not to be stuck in a dress like the others, but considering how Kuja specifically mentioned how this Emperor wanted to see him, he would most likely be in worse trouble than the others. The silver-haired male let out a sigh and looked down at the ground. He was about fifteen feet up, the lowest of all of the other cages (excluding Cloud's cage that was already grounded after a thirty foot drop). It seemed like a close enough fall… Firion smirked and pulled a hidden dagger from his inner coat pocket. With great precision, he threw the dagger up and out of the cage, right into the bar that held his cage up over the ground. With his skill, the dagger damaged the cheap looking metal, letting the cage fall down to the ground after Firion had weakened it.

Kuja was quickly alerted by this and went to investigate, seeing the silver-haired hero climb out of his now broken cage. "And where do you think you're going?"

"I'm going to defeat you and save my friends," Firion replied back; a firm look crossed his face. He looked up, seeing the dagger fall back down from the air. With smooth grace, he caught the blade in his hand and pointed it at Kuja. "I'll take you down!"

Firion took the offensive and quickly dashed at Kuja. The 'cat' quickly dodged out of the way and countered with a spell. Glowing orbs began to fly at the hero, knocking him back as Kuja readied another spell. Orbs of fire began to surround Firion until they started after him. The hero dodged a few but was hit a few times. Kuja during this time snuck behind the hero, a dastardly smirk across his face.

"Firion! Watch out!"

The hero listened to Tidus's warning and quickly blocked Kuja's next bombardments of spells before springing back a fair distance. "Thunder!"

He casted his spell over Kuja's head, sending three bolts at the 'cat.' He dodged quickly, but Firion had already dashed at him, slashing him with his dagger and knocking him down into the ground. The rocks around Kuja shattered a bit. He quickly recovered and knocked Firion up into the air. The cat chased after his prey, getting ready to cast a last devastating spell. But in a quick recovery, Firion instantly countered, knocking Kuja back into the ground again, leaving another small crater in the ground. And in a finishing move, Firion dove back down to the ground, throwing his dagger right into Kuja's jacket. He flipped forward in a graceful movement and landed down onto the ground silently.

"You insolent bastard!" Kuja screamed, trying to pull the dagger from his shirt; but alas, the dagger was really into the ground "How dare you! This outfit was a special gift from the Emperor."

"You're lucky that you're not worth killing," Firion relied in a cold tone. He looked up at Tidus and Cecil, who were cheering from their cages above. "Hold on! I'm coming."

The hero ran over to where Kuja held all of their belongings, picking up his bow and arrow and aiming it at the cages. One… Two… The two came crashing down to the ground, freeing two of the Alices after their long wait. He then took aim at Cloud's cage, blowing the lock on it clean off and letting Cloud kick open the door and finally get out.

"Ah, way to go, Firion!" Tidus ran up to the hero and tackled him down into a hug. The two fell over, but Tidus still clung onto the hero. He was the only other person that was actually sane enough to come save him from this psychotic hellhole, so Tidus was beyond grateful that his friend had come to rescue him. "Dude, I thought I was going to die in a dress!"

"Is that all you were worried about?" the older boy said with a chuckle. He kissed Tidus on the forehead and smiled gently. "I'm just glad you're alright. Everyone was missing, so I came to come find you. You all had me worried!"

"Aw, you missed us, didn't you?" Tidus chimed, a grin creeping on his face. He noticed how Firion averted his eyes from the blonde-haired Alice. "Ha! You did!"

"It's not like I _have_ to have you guys around. It's just that-"

"So you didn't miss me?" Tidus looked at Firion with a sad gaze, making the silver-haired boy's eyes widen before he began to panic.

"What? N-No! I mean, I-"

"You're so mean! I missed you, but you didn't miss me?"

"I didn't mean it like that! I-"

"Hey!" The bickering duo looked up at Cloud, who had retrieved his massive sword from Kuja's belongings (curiouser and curiouser about how that sword managed to hide from plain sight to begin with), gestured over. The two looked over, seeing a large group of soldiers storm towards them. Wait… Where those enemy cards from the duel coliseum? "I think we should get going…"

"Yeah. Good idea." Tidus took no moment to hesitate. He quickly sprang up and darted off in the other direction. However, a strange force kept him in his place. He looked down, just as he felt a strong electric currently surge through him. He let out a scream of pain before falling over, nearly unconscious from such energy. The remaining three glanced over to the enemy cards, who stopped and surrounded the group. From the crowd, the soldiers split a path so that a tall and elegant looking man approached them. His long blond hair trailed after him, and he certainly looked fit to be an Emperor.

Well, that's because he was…

"So glad you could finally join us, Firion," the Emperor stated, holding his staff in his slender fingers. "I was beginning to wonder when you would return to me. Were you begging for my rule again?"

"It's monsters like you that make the world crumble and fall. Why would I even dare to beg for you?" Firion glared at the Emperor; his hatred seemed to radiate from him as he looked at the Emperor.

The Emperor couldn't help but smirk at Firion's enraged look. But the smirk quickly faded as he casted a spell, trapping Firion in his place and sending a shock current through the young man. Firion let out a yelp of pain before collapsing to his knees.

Considering this his signal to spring into action, Cloud quickly dashed for the Emperor, slashing at him with his heavy sword. The Emperor jumped out of Cloud's range, a smirk on his face. With a gesture of his staff, a strange hex appeared in the air in front of him, and little beams of light darted at Cloud. The blond warrior dodged out of the way, but the beams rebounded off the surrounding areas and hit him right in his back, paralyzing the warrior. The Emperor casted a hex on the ground and let it do the work to fully knock out the warrior.

"Cloud!" Cecil was about to go into action, but the enemy cards grabbed him, putting his arms behind his back and forcing him down to his knees. He tried to pull away from the cards, but they pulled his head back by the hair and stepped on the arch of his back, threatening to break the white-haired man's back. He kept himself from letting out a yelp of pain as he looked at the Emperor with a look of anger.

"And what would you hope to accomplish alone?" The Emperor looked over Cecil, who glared at him still. At last, the Emperor scoffed and hit Cecil hard in a pressure point on his neck. The white-haired man's body went limp, letting the enemy cards apprehend him with ease. The Emperor looked at the other unconscious or paralyzed bodies lying around. It was a pathetic sight to see… But he finally raised an eyebrow at the scene. "Where did the fish go?"

"Right here!"

Before the Emperor could react, Tidus came cartwheeling in, kicking the Emperor repeatedly in the face and chest as he forced him back. Tidus then launched himself up, knocking the Emperor back while Tidus when into the air. The blade the old man had given him was gripped firmly in his hands. But the Emperor paid no mind to that. The fact that Tidus was wearing a dress and was about ten feet above him was _very _distracting.

"You're done!"

Tidus then flipped himself forward, hurling himself down at the Emperor and right into him, the blade slashing the Emperor deep across his chest. A grin crossed the blond's face until he was suddenly knocked back by the Emperor's staff. He landed on his feet gently and watched the Emperor stagger a bit; his cloak torn up a bit and a large gash across his muscular chest. He had a look of irritation across his face as he looked at Tidus with his cold eyes.

"Insolent fool," he growled, "You will regret doing that!"

"Not unless you catch me first!"

Tidus sprinted forward just as the Emperor casted out a few landmine orbs that flew after him. The blond-haired Alice was quick on his feet though and easy dodged. He flipped forward, landing on his hands and letting his feet wrap around the Emperor's waist. He felt his dress fall down over his stomach, trying his best to ignore the fact that people could see his blitzball boxer shorts well and clear. He forced himself to flip back with the Emperor trapped in his legs, smashing the yellow man of hearts into the ground and one of his landmines. Tidus pulled away and quickly began to crawl away, but the Emperor grabbed onto Tidus's ankle and sent an electric current through him. Tidus yelped in pain, but then kicked the Emperor in the face with his heavy boot, the only thing that actually made him feel manly. He knocked the Emperor away and scrambled up. Grabbing his sword, he quickly pointed it at the Emperor's neck, daring him to move.

"Let us go, Emperor."

"Not until I get what I want."

"And what the heck do you want?"

The Emperor couldn't help but cackle a bit at Tidus's question. The blond's eyes narrowed a bit in suspicion. This wasn't going to be something he would like.

And indeed he was right. The Emperor had grabbed the sword's blade and sent a surge of energy into Tidus until he finally fell onto his back. The Emperor got up and walked over to Tidus, pinning the blond-haired Alice down. Tidus looked in horror at the man, who was just barely inches away from his face. Yup, Tidus didn't like this. Not one bit.

"I originally wanted to have the shark become my wife. But you… You'll be just as fun to tame."

The Emperor then suddenly forced his lips onto Tidus's in a forceful kiss. Tidus's face churned a bit. This guy was serious, wasn't he? There was no way he was going to be this guy's wife. Would that even be possible? Tidus was a guy after all. That would make absolutely no sense! …But then again, this world didn't make sense at all… And now this freaking creeper was kissing him? That was sick! Tidus quickly his arms out and punched the Emperor hard in the gut and then right in the face. He quickly stood up and ran a safe distance from the creepy yellow man.

"Are you out of your mind? I'm a guy, damn it!" He wiped his mouth as though he were just poisoned. "The only person allowed to do that is-"

"Quit your yappin', damn it! You're embarrassing yourself."

Tidus's expression turned into an even sourer one as he turned around. The guardian of the doorway approached the scene of the battle with his trusty claymore on his shoulder. "What the hell do _you_ want, old man?"

"Is that any way to treat the 'old man' who's saving your sorry ass?" Jecht took his claymore off of his shoulder. He looked cool and content, but it quickly faded as he began to roar at Tidus. "What the hell are you even doing? I thought I told you to tell 'em I sent ya!"

"Why would I? I don't even like you!"

"It would have saved you the trouble of having to dress up like a little sissy, boy!"

"It would have happened either way! That guy fights dirty. _Really_ dirty!"

"And now you're going to go ahead and be some prick 'Emperor's' little sorry b-"

"Silence!" The bickering relatives looked over at the Emperor, who wearily stood up from his place, an outraged look on his face. "Guardian, I command you to apprehend her!"

_**"HIM!**_ I'm a freaking guy!"

"Could have fooled me!" Jecht shot back. He took his claymore up and smirked at the Emperor. "Sorry though, I don't take orders from sissies."

"Fool! You dare defy me?" The Emperor took up his staff as well. "Guards! Off with his head!"

Jecht began to laugh as the enemy cards began to surround the guardian. He readied himself casually, looking over his shoulder at his son. "Kid, get your annoying friends and get the heck out of here. This is my fight now."

"Damn it, old man! What about-"

"Get going!" He shouted back. "You wanna fight me another time? Then get up and get going. Get up!"…

* * *

…"Tidus! Wake up! Come on. Wake up!"

Tidus's eyes snapped open and he immediately sat up. He was covered in seat and his breathing was heavy. A nightmare… It was all a nightmare? He looked up to the voice calling his name, seeing his companion, Firion, by his side. "Oh dear Cosmos. You're alive!"

Firion raised an eyebrow and tilted his head to the side. "What makes you think I'd be dead? You're more likely to end up getting yourself killed than me…"

"I know, but my dream…! I drowned and died and when to this messed up place called 'Wonderland.' There was my old man too with a bunch of keys, and this psychotic cat with a man-thong, and Cloud and Cecil were trapped by that cat. And not to mention there was that pervy Emperor who wanted to make me his queen…!"

Firion looked at Tidus with an expression of confusion. "Make you his queen…?"

Tidus nodded and thought for a moment. "And you were there too! You saved me from the cat!"

Firion raised an eyebrow again, a smirk forming on his face. "Really now?"

"Yeah! But then you got knocked out, so I had to save you and Cloud and Cecil!" Tidus was about to continue his story, but he suddenly paused and looked at the other male curiously. He finally realizing something: Firion was dressed up the exact same way as he was in his dream! Thus, Tidus looked down at what he was wearing; realizing that the nice breeze on his legs was because he was wearing a frilly blue dress, it had bows and everything. His face turned red as he looked back up at Firion.

"I think I've just lost all of my manliness, Firion..."

Firion couldn't help but chuckle at Tidus's crushed and embarrassed expression. He looked like a little puppy that had just been kicked around by some heartless monster. In a way, he was. It was pitiful to see his best friend in such a state. He sighed and wrapped his arms around Tidus, giving him a firm hug as he chuckled again.

"What's so funny? You should be feeling sorry that I've lost my manliness!" Tidus pouted, crossing his arms as best he could over his chest.

"It's nothing…" Firion smiled and gave the blond-haired boy a quick kiss on his forehead. "Welcome back to reality, princess"

Tidus instantly frowned and shoved Firion off. He stood up, dusted his dress off, and began to storm away. He looked like he was about to throw a temper tantrum. Firion looked at Tidus, thinking he did something wrong. He obviously did, but he didn't care. He just laughed and ran after Tidus.

"Don't call me Princess, Firion! You're ruining my manhood even more!"

The silver-haired boy shrugged. "At least now you know how Cecil and Cloud feels…"

Tidus pouted a bit and turned away from him. "Speaking of Cecil and Cloud, where are they anyways…?"

* * *

"I hate them… I hate them so much…"

"Don't worry, Cloud…" Cecil said in a feeble attempt to calm Cloud down. He sighed and let his hand dangle out of the cage he sat patiently in. "I'm sure they'll come back for us."

"Silence, insolent simpletons!"

Cloud grabbed the bars of the cage and snapped back at the silver-haired 'cat' with rage. "You shut up!"

Cecil shook his head at the two as they bickered. It seemed like they wouldn't be returning home anytime soon. But Cecil didn't mind. He just smiled and watched the sky as he patiently waited for someone to come save him. Hopefully his prince would come save him from this crazy place called 'Wonderland,' so he can return back to his brother and friends. He had a sense of hope that it would have a fairy tale ending to this tale.

But then again, that's a different story to be told…


End file.
